December, We Meet Again

I think I always liked the thought of this penultimum month because of the festivities but with it comes the overwhelming feelings of reflection that I’m not always so fond of. How much did I achieve this year? What have I gained and what have I lost?
2016 has been less of a rollercoaster and more of underwhelming children’s ride for me.

Zara Stripy Floral Shirt

It’s December 5th and I’m sitting here, curled up on my sofa, tea in hand ready to read my favourite email of the week. The #AskTheQuestion email from Laura Jane Williams at Superlatively Rude speaks to me on a different level. I love the way she writes and how she speaks to me directly. I like to seek comfort in her words. Weird really, especially considering we’re polar opposites. How could I, a shy, very reserved Indian girl relate to someone from a middle class family from Derbyshire who oozes confidence and creativity. And yet she does, she makes me feel like it’s all going to be ok because as she so eloquently puts it “none of us is fucking up like we think we are”.

Despite not doing half of the things that I wanted to achieve this year, I think I need to remind myself that it’s still OK. what’s important is that I’m on my way. Yes, 2016 has felt more like a filler year in my story but that’s still OK.

I might not have figured out the direction I’m going in yet either but that’s OK too.

Rather than dwelling on all the things I should have done, I’ve instead been looking at how i’ve grown. There’s so much I’ve learnt about myself and so much I’m proud of.

Ive learnt to realise when I’m being too hard on myself and when to take a step back. I’ve learnt that I’m different and I don’t need to fit in to other people’s ideals. As long as I’m happy and not harming anyone else, what does it matter if I don’t attend a gathering or look a certain way?

I’ve learnt that my loved ones mean the world to me and I will do whatever I can for them. not for praise or recognition but because I did whatever I could to help them. I’ve also learnt that I’m happy to be straight up with people I care about in order to keep our relationship healthy.

I’ve learnt that I have the world’s shortest attention span. it’s something I’ve decided to embrace and try to work with for the most part but it also means that I make informed decisions regarding commitments (like taking on courses). It’s definitely something I need want to work on in the coming year but just acknowledging it and learning it about myself means I can handle situations better.

I’ve learnt that people’s loyalties don’t always lie with you, regardless of how you view them. That’s not a reflection of who I am at all. nor is it something to dwell on. I will continue to unapologetically be me and try my best not to let other people’s actions dampen my spirit.

I’ve learnt that I am more determined than ever to be successful and there’s no time limit on when or how I’m going to do this. I will succeed.
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